O.O. says, "The liturgy will be so high, you'll get a nosebleed just sitting in the pews."
Dawn Eden line of the day: "I voted for Bill Clinton twice. I thought he understood me. And he sure did. He understood that I was a vulnerable girl in my 20s who could easily be ----ed over."
Horse and moose become friends.

It pays to do your research!

I will be staying in Indianapolis for a conference in November. While researching hotels, I found this little gem in one of the hotel descriptions: "We like to keep our guests informed that our facility is still an active railroad station, and trains pass through on a regular schedule. The muffled rumbling and subtle vibrations of the trains as they roll through the building enhances the ambiance of staying in our hotel, where you can experience the authenticity of a living railroad station."
The Anarchist Cookbook's author disavows his work. Via After Abortion.
Zorak, reading from a website: "The average labor lasts 12-14 hours for a first baby."
O.O.: "Oh, then you've got plenty of time. You can walk to the hospital!"
O.O. says, "I think the Sikh community should license the right from Disturbed to make a song called 'Down with the Sikhness.'"
The Australian: Phone company reply after 28 year wait: From AFP, August 19, 2004
A ROMANIAN man who submitted a written request for a phone line in 1976 finally received a reply, 28 years later, from Romania's state-run Romtelecom.
More astounding than the delay, however, was the message.
'We inform you that we still do not have any lines available,' said the letter, addressed to Gheorghe Titianu.
'But if you maintain your request,' it continued, offering a glimmer of hope, 'please fill out the attached form.'
Titianu had the courtesy to answer. 'I am honored that you have not forgotten me after 28 years,' he wrote, tongue firmly in cheek.
'But in the meantime I have gotten married, had two children and have even gotten a phone line in my new home.'
Romtelecom took the incident -- which it described as 'nothing exceptional' -- in stride.
'A lot of people who request lines die in the meantime, which is why we like to confirm that a request is still current,' a customer service representative told AFP by phone. "

Mind Breaking from Too Much Stupidity

I am going to have to move to Montana, get my own 25 acres, and change my name. I am going to bed. I cannot cope with a single ounce more of stupidity today.

Online Symbolism Dictionary - kinda fun. Not that developed, but hey.

What O.O. said that got him yelled at:

"You're knitting the carnal prison that will encase the soul of our child."

A quote from Stephen King:

"Smoking and drinking are tough habits to pick up, but once they are formed, they are even tougher to break. The same is true of great literature, which is, let's face it, Jim Beam for the brain."

A joke for Otto

Walking through the jungle, a hunter found a dead ferocious-looking rhinocerous with a Pygmy standing proudly beside it. Amazed, the hunter asked, "Did you kill that rhino?"
"Why, yes," said the Pygmy.
"How could a little fella like you kill a beast like that?"
"I killed it with my club," explained the Pygmy.
The astonished hunter exclaimed, "Wow! How big is your club?"
The Pygmy replied, "There are about 90 of us."

Parenting goal #245252

is to have my child's first words be "It is SO hard to get good help these days."
Yahoo! News - Married? Single? Status affects how women vote
Welcome to a new priest blogger. He lives here: Diary of a Suburban Priest
I highly recommend the movie Collateral for all thinking people.
Motherhood Maternity stores are trying to persuade me that being pregnant can be sexy. The cover of one of their ads shows 3 people - a "sexy" pregnant woman walking past a couple sitting at an outdoor cafe. The man has obviously turned his head to check out the "hot" pregnant woman, and his girlfriend is glaring at him jealously across the table. The "hot" pregnant woman's left hand is obscured in the photo.
The text inside the flier reads: "Who's that star? Motherhood Moms-to-be - that's who! They're all woman getting all the attention. ... Today's moms are accomplished and vibrant, and they combine class and sophistication with a healthy dose of H-O-T." One of the women even has her pregnant belly hanging out over her jeans, as is the trend with flat-bellied girls.

I really don't need to worry about being sexy right now. I have a lot of other things to worry about.
O.O. says, "If you set me on fire right now, I wouldn't be any less efficient than I already am."

Things I learned between 2:30 and 7:30 am on Thursday

I couldn't sleep Thursday night so got up and watched TV and read the paper. I first watched a crappy* Lifetime channel movie (redundant, I know) about a ballerina who is the victim of attempted rape by her father-in-law, who tries to silence her by persuading her husband that she is having "women's problems" and referring them to a malevolent psychiatrist friend who drugs her heavily and convinces her husband to have her committed to a state mental hospital "for 2 or 3 days." To a man, every employee of the dirty, old state hospital further drugs, abuses and isolates her for months in order to mooch off her health insurance. Then she gets out and finally recovers with the help of a new, young shrink who is "modern" and "open." The nice young shrink helps her to convince her husband to finally believe her and stand up to his towering father. As always in these movies everything would have been OK if only the men had listened to the women.

Then I watched part of a VH1 special about pr0n star Jenna Jameson. It was fairly oblique about what she really does of course, but that made it watchable. Three things jumped out at me. First, her relationship with her father was at one point quite strained (as you can imagine) but began to improve after she took him to an "adult film" awards show at which she won an unprecedented number of awards. His comment was, "If she's going to do this, at least she's the best!" He now seems to respect her for her success and they have an OK relationship. My thought was completely opposite. If (God forbid) a relative of mine was to get into that business, I would want him to be the worst pr0n star ever. Maybe then he would get out of the business or at least not become famous and a shame on the family.
Second, Jenna is married. After she got married, she first planned to do only lesbian movies (because that's not adulterous, I guess) then her husband, who formerly directed pr0n movies but did not perform, decided to perform with her so that she could appear with a man in her films. How weird that they now respect the institution of marriage enough to radically alter their behavior! It shows at least SOME respect for sex as reserved for marriage, although in Jenna's case that respect was clearly non-existent before marriage. Odd.
Third, Jenna reported that she wanted, "more than anything else in the whole world," to have a baby. Ironic for a woman who has had more sex than 99% of other people. The special did not say whether she was having trouble conceiving or using birth control for now, though the former is likely given the number of diseases she must have. Further, Jenna says that "as soon as she becomes pregnant," she will "never set foot in a studio again" and will leave pr0nography forever. Again - why? How is it that she understands a mother cannot behave this way, but thinks a non-mother should? I didn't want to ponder this woman's issues too much, but wow, does she need our prayers. The only thing I can figure is that she has some sort of deep self-esteem problem, such that she thinks it is OK for her to be treated like an object, unless that treatment impedes a more important obligation she has to someone else.

I also learned that the Bun & Thigh Roller lifts and firms you in those problem areas.

*Sorry, that is the only word that aptly describes the quality of this movie.
O.O., on our future parenting styles: "You'll be the Flava Flav to my Chuck D. More lighthearted, and always keepin' it real."
A few weeks ago Zorak, age 28, had this conversation with her mother on the phone:
Zorak: "I'm going to go make some dinner."
Mom: "What are you making?"
Zorak: "Some Hamburger Helper."
Mom, simultaneously thrilled and incredulous: "You know how to make that?!?!?!"
Referring to an old picture of Zorak, O.O. says, "You have makeup on. And a gall bladder."
Gen-X Revert requested O.O. quotes about the pregnancy. I have been saving these up until we announced it on the blog. So, without further ado:

"Fecundity - it's what's for dinner!"

"So, in your belly, right now, is A HUMAN HEAD!"

"You know, this will mean people will know you're not a virgin anymore."
O.O. says, "Pokemon is Gnosticism for kids, but from Japan."


We're having a baby! Here is a picture. He/she will be viewable without technological assistance in late January.
So you're thinking, I'm going to save money on cookies by buying Giant's "Cookie Jar" chocolate chip cookies for only $1.29 rather than the other cookies that are at least $2.50. DON'T DO IT! These cookies are nasty. Just so you know.

Go now, and read

The Faded Sun on Steve Kellmeyer's blog.
O.O. asks, "Is it all right to tell my professors that I would rather be trampled by obese hyenas than read Ghislain Lafont again?"
Zorak: "At the end of Alien vs. Predator, Alien and Predator fall in love."
O.O., as one of the lovers: "Violence was my only way of reaching out. Where are your orifices?"

Double Ouch!

ScrappleFace: Gay Couples Split After Court Annuls Marriages: (2004-08-12) -- In the wake of a California Supreme Court decision to annul 4,000 homosexual marriage licenses granted in San Francisco early this year, realtors in California have been flooded with calls from people looking for new homes.
'My gay clients are desperately seeking separate living quarters,' said one unnamed realtor. 'Now that the sacred bond of matrimony has been broken by the state, they want to protect their reputations as moral citizens by living separately. None of them want to be seen as 'shacking up' or engaging in extramarital physical intimacy.'
The realtor said that the word 'marriage' has 'deep meaning to these folks, and they're moving apart to protect this institution which is the bedrock of our society. They're committed to avoiding even a hint of immorality.'


ScrappleFace: McGreevey Calls Homosexual Affair 'Badge of Honor': "'I don't want people to think of me as the first openly-gay adulterous governor,' said Mr. McGreevey. 'I want to be viewed as an adulterer who happens to be a governor who happens to be gay.'"
Colin Powell the Cat to Meet Human Powell
The View From Out There (washingtonpost.com): How Textbooks from Around the World Portray U.S. History - via Mark Shea.
O.O. says, "If you were a man, just think how many fights we'd have!"


Yahoo! News - Group Runs Anti-Kerry Ads on Black Radio Stations: "One of the radio ads addresses Kerry's failure to vote on a bill to extend unemployment benefits for 13 weeks: 'It needed 60 votes to pass. Ninety-nine out of 100 senators voted -- Kerry did not! It lost by one vote! Maybe Kerry thought the more of us who are unemployed and hurting, the more likely we would vote Democrat.'
Another ad attacks Teresa Heinz Kerry, who, at the Democratic convention last month cited her birth and upbringing in Mozambique and who has described herself as African American. In the radio commercial, the announcer says: 'His wife says she's an African American. While technically true, I don't believe a white woman, raised in Africa, surrounded by servants, qualifies.'"

We have failed to appease the god of transportation.

Today our car was smashed by a falling tree during the severe thunderstorms in our area. Not the 20-year-old Skylark, of course, but the 1992 Camry.

Zorak is in a bad mood.
O.O. says, "The guano reveals me to myself."
O.O., on eating too many cookies: "I'm like a post-Christian philosophe in a Turkish harem ... experiencing the limits and fragility of my rationality."

Insert your own joke here -

Explorers find world's deepest hole
Zorak tries to calm O.O. after he is frustrated by a bad driver.
O.O.: "Okay, I will let peace reign in my mind. ... Like a fragile Italian government."

For the ex-con in your life ...


to the Old Oligarch for losing two pants sizes!
O.O., perplexed by the ubiquitous bumper sticker reading "If this van's a'rockin'...": "Number one, I don't think I've ever knocked on anyone's van!"

Join the trend -

What I would look like if I smiled. They do not have my generally bemused/waiting to pounce expression as an option.

Is Saudi Arabia Running Out of Oil?: "It's always been assumed, by the United Nations as well as European and U.S. policymakers, that Saudi Arabia would be able to pump more of its oil to fulfill increasing world demand. The Saudis are pumping, at most, 9 million barrels a day now and have boasted that they could pump as much as 15 million barrels a day for the next 50 years. Indeed, Saudi leaders promised that they would start pumping more a few weeks ago.
But because world oil production hasn't increased since those promises were made, economists and energy users have wondered whether Saudi Arabia has elected, for political reasons, not to fulfill its vow.
Simmons says it's worse than that. Much like the biggest problem in the Enron fiasco was that analysts always trusted Enron managers' declarations about the strength of its financial assets, he says that the world has always taken Saudi Arabia at its word for its oil assets. He now believes that it cannot be trusted."
Via Dale Price.

Help with an NYC ticket?

Over the weekend we received a $200 ticket for making a right-turn on red, which the officer helpfully informed us is illegal anywhere in Manhattan. Any advice, assistance or referrals in minimizing the impact of such a ticket would be greatly appreciated.