Things not to say to a woman who is 9 months pregnant -

When she answers the phone - "WHAT? Are you still there? Why aren't you HAVING THAT BABY?"
"You're not having the baby yet?"
"So where's the baby?"
"No baby yet? What's the matter with you?"
"Aren't you gonna HAVE THAT BABY?"
"You're STILL THERE?"

And yes, this is all coming from one person, who will either provide all the suffering I need to completely escape purgatory or all the occasions of sin I need to damn myself for all eternity. Damnation is winning right now.

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